Fellow xangans mentioned a couple of things that have been on my mind.

One is friending. I got a friend request yesterday from Unyk. Just now, looking up the link for you I discovered that I can also access it in English, but I was approached in French and when I sign in, I get French, so I guess it's one of those wonders of the flat world. It can perhaps encourage my current French language studies.

So then I went and took out the "making friends" option at a networking site that I belong to for professional reasons. Well, I belonged to it before under an alias, but I put my real name in in the course of plying the Dark Art, and now that I'm on hiatus I can be as unfriendly as I really want to be.

It isn't really that I'm unfriendly. I always accept friend requests here at xanga and at facebook, unless of course they are from unclothed people who clearly haven't made any effort to get to know me. And in real life I am reasonably though not excessively friendly.

But I don't have time to develop virtual friendships. I can just about keep up with my xanga neighborhood. I have some slight presence in some of the blog communities related to my work. I have friends in the real world, even. It isn't realistic for me to try to keep up with all the possible online communities. I have to pick one. So I removed the bit that says I'm at that other website to "make friends." Because I'm just not.

The other topic was the obsessive writing about one's flaws/problems/issues/decisions which goes on here at xanga. It's gone on here chez fibermom lately, too. I totally agree that it becomes boring to the writer.

I'm not sure it actually is as boring to the reader. I read the "I am so bored with myself!" comments and was surprised, because I always found those guys very interesting. But I know I've said that myself. Umm... a lot, lately.

But you know, writing about these niggling things here at xanga allows us not to talk about them absolutely all the time to people who can't escape from us (because we're physically present with them). or to we whom shouldn't talk about them. I personally would have been boring the Computer Guy with this stuff, I know it, and he is also Client #2, and absolutely not someone in whom I should confide about my job interviews and uncertainties.

And who knows how many relationships have been saved from endless "Where is this relationship going?" talks by the rehashing of the question here at xanga.

Xangans are enormously supportive of one another in these cases, too. Not one single reader has yet said, even in a private email, "Shut UP already, fibermom, we all know what you're going to do even if you don't, and we've all encouraged you till we're sick of it." People in my real life have, I assure you.

So it is probably good for us to do our obsessing here.

I looked at my forthcoming website yesterday. It is quite nice. I am looking forward to having it go live. And, having made the investment, it would have been stupid of me not to go ahead and use it. I also gathered up several new assignments, and felt much more excited about them than I have about the salaried job I've been interviewing for. So I came home and emailed the company I've been interviewing with a nice little note saying thank you so much for having me, but I don't want the job.

So you don't have to listen to that any more.

Let's see: what can I obsess about now?

Let me tell you that, counting my new computer, website (custom design and a year's hosting), books, business cards, and software, I have spent less than $2,000 to set up my business. I have earned way more than that.

However, I may need to buy another and more expensive package of software, which would tip me over that 2k. Maybe I can obsess about that a little bit.

There is a pattern sale at Hancock's today: McCall's patterns are 99 cents apiece and Vogue patterns are $3.99 each.

I don't need any new patterns, because I haven't yet sewn the SWAP I planned last year at this time. I haven't even done the buttonholes on my Rosie the Riveter shirt or determined the fate of my nightgown-like top.

However, if I did need new patterns, here are a few of the new Vogue patterns I'd choose:

This coat has complex and subtle seaming. It's #1069, I think. I'm not sure a coat is a necessity any more, as our climate veers toward the subtropical, and I couldn't sew one anyway, but I sure do admire this one.

This is a hoodie and pull-on pants, for those who do yoga in elegant workout gear, or those who go to the market in workout gear in order to suggest that they do yoga when they actually just hang around.

Comfortable for hanging around, though, I'd think. This one also has neat sunburst seaming on the back, and there is a shorter version of the tunic with no hood. I think it's #1061.

This dress has the knot at the neckline, which is still fashionable this year, and looks to be easy to wear and yet festive. I believe it's #1056. If I weren't so lazy, I'd check those numbers in case you actually wanted to buy one of these patterns.

It's lined, too. I read last year that slips were going the way of the dinosaur (though I notice that McCall's has a new full slip pattern, in a lingerie package including a bra with no underwire, a boy-cut panty, a tanga, a thong, and a camisole, so maybe they're coming back), and I guess that explains why so many of the dress patterns this year are lined.

And then there is this pattern for clutches and evening bags. Admittedly, I rarely go anywhere that would require an evening bag. However, I love pleated purses, and this has all kinds of pleats.

One of the sewing bloggers says that when she makes clothes she has no occasion for, it encourages her to create occasions to wear them. Perhaps I'd go out more in the evenings if I made an evening bag or two. Or I could make them for my daughters for Christmas. True, #1 daughter is back in Cowboy Land, but she is fairly glam. She might carry a little pleated clutch to the wild boar hunts and frog giggings. And #2 daughter is up in the Big City, and dates a guy who goes to work in a dinner jacket every night. He is a member of the symphony, it's true, but perhaps since he's already dressed up when he gets off work, they could go somewhere chic and she could carry an evening bag.

Today I am going to have my teeth cleaned, and thence to a meeting with a long agenda. Since my personality test suggested that I am analytical to the point of Mr. Spock-osity, I am thinking that I will pay close attention to how I feel at today's meeting. The agenda items all have to do with the self-employment option, so my response to the meeting, compared with my response to yesterday's interview, could give me useful data for my decision-making.

I realize that I am being analytical about my emotions. However, #2 daughter suggested that I assign numerical values to each of the pros and cons of both possible choices and create a bar graph, so by comparison it's practically intuitive.

Just back from my interview, with the Wednesday classes ahead, and I can't settle back down to work.

I met with the owner of the franchise, and quite liked him. He asked me what my life goals were, and I did not say, "Hell, I don't know!" so I get points right there.

Actually, I told him that my life goals were not mostly about work. In fact, I have reached a point in this process -- not only the process of interviewing for this particular job, but the whole process of deciding what to do next in my life -- at which I nearly just said, "I'm going to do whatever seems most fun. I just can't make up my mind." I didn't come up with any questions to ask him, and that's really interview 101.

They're offering a nice salary. Half again as much as I made in my last salaried job, plus bonuses. If I had been offered this job in May, I'd have been grateful and happy to accept it. I have been making more than that lately, but I am about to lose most of that income, with no guarantee that I'll be able to replace it.

However, I have a meeting with a new client tomorrow, and am seeing the mockup of my web site, and I'm doing a workshop next week, and there is the book proposal I just sent in, and the hookworms are still waiting, not to mention all those blog posts, and I told Client #2 that I'd save time for him in September, and here I am so unexcited about the nice steady job that I didn't even bother to prepare for the interview (though I did get dressed).

And there is the driving.

I think the reason that I'm normally so decisive is that I get bored with this sort of thing so quickly. It is, I think, two weeks since I met with these guys the first time, and they haven't actually even offered me the job yet -- in fact, they have other candidates, and I may have come off so slapdash in this interview that I won't even be chosen -- and I am completely sick of trying to decide whether or not to take the job if they do offer it to me.

The man did tell me the results of that personality test I took last week. My extremely high scores were for being analytical, being organized, expecting a lot of myself, and caring about moral values. I was moderate on self esteem (this was a relief, since I strive very hard for humility but don't always feel sure that I manage it), being results-oriented, and self-awareness.

How they divined this from my views on broken TV sets versus destruction of food crops I don't know, but I didn't disagree with him.

I turned out to be an "Equipper," and here's what that means:

"Equippers combine a focus on right and wrong, understanding, and literal meaning with passion, feelings, and attention to individuals. Work combines analytical and personal traits for Equippers, leading them to focus on doing things that reflect their principles and values as well as ideas that make sense for the future. They have strong feelings about what they do, because in their minds, their activities always flow out of their logical understanding and passion for doing the right thing."

And there again, that's not too far off for an 11-minute test.

It isn't lonely, working from home. The Empress and That Man came over yesterday, as did Elkhorn. I have a meeting today about the job I'm planning to turn down. Tomorrow I have a dental appointment and a meeting with Client #2 and one of his clients, for whom I'm going to write some content. ("Yippee!" is the correct response here; it means that, just as I have successfully packaged Client #2 for my clients, he's successfully packaging me for his, and we're probably on the way to a successful partnership.) It's good to have #2 son home, and I am missing #1 daughter, who returned to Cowboy Land.

Did I tell you that?

They had been calling her from the DA's office saying they couldn't live without her, and that she could go to school full-time there and do part of her work from home in the evenings. She'll still get to go to court and hang out with armed guys in cowboy hats, so I guess that was an offer she couldn't refuse.

The day before she left, I told her about the law student who turned out to be a Republican and announced that he was "smart enough to defend myself." You may recall, if your life hasn't been too exciting since you read the story here, that those of us present were aghast, and rushed to be reassuring and nonthreatening. With cookies.

#1 daughter's eyes lit up. She had not been present, and she was sorry she hadn't. We had misunderstood, she assured me. He was spoiling for a fight. He was looking forward to debating politics with us. He had been bouncing his basketball and saying, "Bring it on!" and we had failed to provide the entertainment he had been wishing for.

There's no accounting for tastes.

As for the job I'm planning to turn down, I've nearly reached the point of feeling that the sheer number of meetings they want and number of changes in the arrangements of those meetings proves that I wouldn't be happy working there. #1 daughter thinks they're testing my response to frustration. I'm not feeling frustrated, though I suppose I might be if I were planning to take the job, but I sure am noticing that I'll have put in a full work day on this by the time I finish -- if indeed today is the end of it. My previous experience would suggest that they must plan on paying a lot, if it's worth it for them to spend a whole work day on this. What to wear to a fourth interview continues to be an issue. I'm in jeans and a T-shirt right now, and I need to get five hours in for Client #6, plus I woke up with Client #2's next blog post half-written in my mind, so I have to get that into the computer before I forget it, and of course I have other blog posts that aren't even half-written yet. I may just turn up for that interview dressed as I am.

Not really.

I didn't do the buttonholes last night, but I did make some jewelry.

I had made some jewelry already, a month or two ago, and then a sad thing happened. I had all the earrings I had made,and also all the ones that I owned before I made any, in a compartmentalized box. I took it out when I was packing to go to the Big City last month, picked out a couple of pairs, and failed to put the box back.

When I returned and unpacked, I couldn't find the box to put the earrings away.

Fortunately, I still had a pair made by a local artisan jeweler, which I had just recently bought, but all the ones I had made are gone.

Since they still haven't turned up, I decided to go ahead and make some more.

I don't think you can actually see them in my pictures, but I enjoyed making them and I'll enjoy wearing them, too.

I also went to the gym and did reasonable amounts of housework and cooking, so I'm feeling pretty good about my move toward a more balanced life.

The Computer Guy and I have a tech workshop coming up next week in one of the schools. He's decided to use Google Sketchup , so I played with that a bit. This inspired me with a topic for my next blog post for the NSSEA. You might like to play with it yourself.

I got the book audition sent in. I didn't feel that it was ready, but I could tell that it was one of those things that wasn't going to feel ready any time soon, so I just pushed the button. It's made with Adobe's InDesign, and I love that program. My 30 day free trial will be up any day now, and I am seriously going to miss it. I would like to use it to make some worksheets for the tech workshop, and indeed to lay out the state history books which I'm thinking I may have time to finalize while I'm on hiatus from Client #2. Unfortunately, after the trial period it costs $699, so I won't have that opportunity.

Then, emboldened by your supportive words, I contacted xanga about the username change situation. We'll see whether they have anything to offer me or not. I was able to get one of my clients' webmasters to make a content change right away and just as I asked, which is a triumph. And I found that a local business which I reviewed back in the MyZip days is using my review, verbatim, as the content (including headline and description) on their web site. I will definitely write and tell them I'm glad it was useful and offer my services if they need any more content. I may even ask them if they'd allow me to list them on my client list at my forthcoming website.

Apart from these fun things, I had a great linkbuilding festival. More of the same today, along with keyword development and blogging.

Yep, never a dull moment.

Hmm...

As some of you know, I was writing a blog for the store I worked for. It was called "Dexter's Discoveries." After the store closed, I didn't shut down the blog because it had new subscribers on most days and thousands of visitors a week and was at the top of Google for various subjects, and it just seemed wrong to do that.

In what I thought would be a good compromise, I changed the look and the name over the weekend. You can do this, though you have to pay a fee for it. I had imagined that xanga would do a redirect of some kind. Nope. If you do a search for "global warming lesson plans" and click on Dexter's Discoveries, you get a "page not found" message. So rather than the hundreds of footprints I had expected to see this morning, I had one.

So I guess I have essentially shut down that blog. And paid to do so.

Sigh.

Here's my Hawaiian shirt with all the hemming done. This is Folkways' "Rosie the Riveter" shirt. I'll get the buttons and buttonholes done tonight and wear it all through August, in spite of Chanthaboune's strictures.

Chanthaboune and I worked on the book audition yesterday. It should have gone in before now, really.

It's not that we've been working on it continually since she got back from Europe. Rather, we'll spend an hour on it and then something intervenes for a week.

Saturday I said, "Look, my free trial of this software is about to run out. I've sent you my changes, and you mark it up and send it back to me, and then I'll send it back to you, okay?"

Social engagements prevented her from getting to it.

Last night, I got her adjustments and called her, but her boyfriend had driven nine hours straight to his apartment, only to find that his key didn't work, so he drove to her place to get the key from her. This required a number of conversations like this:

"#1 daughter found that section vague."
"Well it is vague. By its very nature. Maybe we should say somewhere that dynamics are elusive -- hold on. M. Bassoon is calling. I'll call you back."
"Okay."

"His key doesn't work. He just drove clear through Ohio, too."
"I'm watching a movie now. I think you'd like it. It's called Love and Other Disasters."
"Oh, yeah?"
"It's on the Netflix Instant Watch. I'll call you back when it's over."

"That was a good movie. Now, we've got to get the crescendo--"
"M.Bassoon is here and he's in a really bad mood. I'll call you back"

But we did at last get it into fairly good shape. If we get this contract, we'll have to improve our collaboration skills.

Here's what we had for lunch yesterday. Last night we called out for pizza. So, yeah, not very zen in terms of eating habits, but I have that on the list.

Also, today #1 daughter and I are going to make up our minds and commit to a course of action and get going on said action.

I've been GTD about mine, going ahead and getting the Next Steps done without waiting to establish a Course of Action, so I'm actually on track for my most likely course of action, but I did spend some time last night (while watching that movie) making my list of Things to Do while on hiatus from Client #6.

Today I have hours to do for Clients #s4 and 6, and a whole crowd of blog posts. So this one had better be ended.

   #2 son came home from Governor's School in a state of advanced fatigue, and having learned a few things. Some had to do with political structures in developing countries, but the first thing he told me was that 17 year old girls know the words to Disney movies.

I already knew this, of course.

He has asked me not to look at his facebook, but I'm told that the pictures are cute.

"It's not that we're not friends," he told me, explaining why he wouldn't befriend me at facebook. His big brother is also not my friend at facebook.

I made him a pie anyway. We had peaches from a local orchard, and Cinnamon Sprinkles for the top, so it was nice even though I used ready-made crusts and slapped it all together in haste.

I spent a couple of hours cleaning while waiting for him, and also continued my series of nightgown-like garments.

It's one thing to have a single nightgown-like top that you wear on days when you felt like staying in your jammies anyway. It's another to have a whole wardrobe of them. I am seriously thinking of performing surgery on this one and turning it into something else.

While I have pretty much mostly determined to continue plying The Dark Art rather than returning to the hose and heels world -- after all, I did promise to save space on my calendar for Client #6 -- I have not absolutely completely decided to.

#1 daughter is in a similar position. She hasn't entirely decided whether to stay here and go to school or to return to Cowboy Land and go to school there while working at her job there, which she loved and which she misses a lot.

She said, "It looks easy to make these decisions from the outside." And indeed, our advisors are very confident about the decisions they are advising. I'm confident about her decision and she's confident about mine. We just aren't sure of our own.

So I'm torn, as I sew up the remnants I gathered up at the fabric store's holiday sale, between making tops that I can wear while spending the whole day at the computer, and ones that will look good under a suit. I am ending up with nightgown-like shmattes instead, which is probably a warning about failing to make decisions.

I also revived this shirt, which I started making a long time ago -- the last time I was the size I am now, in fact. Then it became too big for me and I didn't finish it. Now I' m doing the hems, and unless I completely mess up with the buttonholes, I'll have a nice tropical shirt.

Though it is true that I haven't completely committed to self-employment, I am continuing to behave as though I had. I have therefore been working a bit on the blog which will be associated with my website, which the Computer Guy is making for me.

So if you click on the button here, or the one that looks like it in my sidebar, you can go read some things about The Dark Art and web marketing generally. Otherwise, you can just be relieved that I'm not going to be writing about those things here any more, because they were boring.

I do have to give you a little bit of a warning. First, if you go there, you will know my real name, which will just take away all the mystery of being xanga screen name friends.  Second, it's still under construction, and might change its looks without warning.

I need a new role model.

First, let me tell you about yesterday. I got up at 3:00, because I was awake, so I was able to get four blogs updated by 7:00 a.m. when #2 daughter came onto my buddy list. It's like shift work. Normally, my local Computer Guy is on the list when I go to bed. Occasionally he's still there when I get up in the morning, but usually I'm the first, and I answer all the emails from the late shift, and then #2 daughter comes on, and then the Computer Guy, and then the responses to emails start coming in, from the east coast first and then the west coast. By the time I'm supposed to leave for the gym, I have dealt with all the computer guys' correspondence, and when I get back I can start on the Dark Art.

Yesterday I didn't go to the gym, because I was meeting with a prospective client.

Having slunk into being a computer guy by easy stages, I've had opportunities to learn things. My local Computer Guy showed me the light on client education. My big client introduced me to quantification of data -- not on a normal business or research level, since I already did that, but on a really fear-inspiring geeky level.

I attempted to thank him for that when we chatted yesterday (after email discussion of doing so, natch). "I was sort of a holistic linkbuilder," I said. "Now I really have a much better idea about focused reporting."

No doubt he was thinking that if that is my idea of focused reporting, I'm more pitiable than he thought. However, he was locking and loading his numbers in preparation for a family vacation, and he actually laughed. Happily.

Anyway, I made a very nice bulleted report for my prospective client, and explained it to her in a clear and non-patronizing way, and let her know that the report was hers for free. "These are the things that I would do if it were my site," I said. "You can do these things yourself, or you can hire me to do them."

It was very satisfying to see that the information I had given her had been new to her, and useful. I was also gratified to see that she was, by the end of the conversation, trying to figure out how to fit me into her budget. I think that this approach will probably work well. I enjoyed it, and I felt good about it. It didn't take any longer than a job interview.

On my drive home, I considered how I would feel about the marketing job I've been interviewing for at such length. I don't think I'd feel as good about it.

I scarfed down some partially reheated pasta and a candy bar while I had a little three-way email exchange about 302 redirects, and I'd love to hear your views on them if you have any, and then got on the phone with my big client and swapped some numbers.

He has a proposal for his board when he gets back from his vacation, and I'm in it, and he hopes I'll save him some space in my calendar. I'll be having a couple of weeks off from his company, but I may have a new contract before September.

I went on to the day's linkbuilding with a light heart. My husband came home and cooked dinner as I finished it up, and then I did the laundry and tidied the linen closet and had a few bites of dinner and fell asleep.

Of course I woke up pretty quickly. My house is never quiet enough for lengthy naps. #1 son came home with a friend and they played the ukelele for a bit while packing up for a camping trip, so I snatched up my Stephanie Plum novel and pretended that I hadn't been napping.

And that was when I got to thinking that I needed a new role model. I really enjoy being a computer guy. I greatly enjoy the work I'm doing. I like the variety of it. I like the other computer guys, I like being able to open a new world of possibilities to local artisans and helping professionals, I like being able to work at 3:00 a.m. and go to the gym or walk around the lake whenever I feel like it.

I don't like being sleep-deprived and eating like a college student and usually not getting to the gym. (It has to be remembered that I have been living that way during Back to School, which is currently upon us, for some years, but I don't think that my current schedule has to do with Back to School. I think it might be permanent.)

Stephanie Plum has a colleague who is a computer guy -- in addition, I mean, to being a dangerous action hero -- and he has a zen approach to life, all healthy food and regular exercise and sleekly clean spaces. He also has minions, but still. Maybe I could be one of those computer guys.

Or I could be a computer guy by day, and then turn, at some prearranged time, into a mild-mannered mom who bakes and cleans the linen cupboard without falling into exhausted sleep on the sofa.

I've installed Toggl. I think that might help.

This really isn't about wanting to work less, I don't think. This week, I had a job interview, and the prospective client meeting, and the store-minding, which was an extra 14 hours on top, but normally I have about 30 hours of paid work, plus the extra projects or learning experiences that arise, so I'm really not working more than I did as a salaried person.

I just want to work in a more civilized fashion.

So today I'm going to clean my kitchen thoroughly, clean the rest of the house less thoroughly, get rid of the leftover takeaway food and slimy produce and restock with proper food such as a zen computer guy might have, and do some sewing.

Once all that is done, #2 son ought to be home. #1 daughter is picking him up on her way home from a long visit with friends in the capitol. I'm going to make something nice for dinner, and a peach pie. Then I'm guessing there'll be laundry to do. He's been gone for six weeks. It'll be great to have him back.

Yesterday's interview was much like the others. The new people I met had multi-page reports on me with full-color covers, but one remarked that she hadn't seen my resume, so that was a little mysterious. No one offered to let me see the reports. Nor did we get down to brass tacks financially, but they are asking me to meet with the owner of the business on Tuesday. I keep going ahead to one more interview just to finish the process, but the process doesn't seem to be getting finished.

The drive was long, but I went on surface roads so it wasn't frightening. I listened to the Rosetta Stone tapes, and repeated conversations about how I was from France but my family lived in Italy and I had taught history in Egypt.

As I was driving there, I had a call from the erstwhile competition reminding me that he had a job for me if I wanted it.

On the way back I stopped off at the Computer Guy's place and chatted with the intern about my forthcoming web site. I've only spoken to her a few times, but I already know way more about her personal life than I do about the Computer Guy's. I was looking at the cool images of stacks of paper that she had come up with, and swapping color numbers, but she also told me about her fiancee's trumpet playing. She seems very nice. I'm looking forward to seeing what she comes up with in the way of design. I got moved up on the queue, and I appreciate that.

The Computer Guy was on the phone with Microsoft Tech Help. He put the phone in his pocket for a bit while he asked me to send some files to the intern in Word 2003 instead of 2007, and I made sure he had all he needed for next week's newsletter. I was sort of impressed by that. When I talk with tech help people, I hang on their words, in case the next sentence might turn out to be helpful. I would never dare to put the phone in my pocket and just let them talk to my shirt for a bit.

Of course, when I talk with tech people, they usually tell me to turn everything off and turn it back on again. However, I already know that trick, so it generally doesn't help.

A jolly afternoon of linkbuilding and an evening of sitting around reading completed my day. I kept thinking about getting up and getting my knitting or finishing the nightgown-like top or at least pulling weeds in the garden, but in fact I didn't do any of those things.

This morning I'm meeting with a prospective client, to show her my report on her website. I'm debating whether to continue offering my Dark Art Lite special, which is a major bargain but also has led to additional hourly work, or whether I should think of that as a Special New Opening Sale kind of offer and give it up.

Then I have more linkbuilding to do. #2 son comes home tomorrow. I think I'll bake a cake.