August 22, 2007
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The Empress and I talked yesterday about my upcoming schedule, and it is all good news. I'll go back to two days a week at the store, we have an exciting publishing project coming up, I'm back to the workshop and conference round, and the future looks reasonably bright. I will now be able to begin seeking out a little supplemental work, since my schedule is settled.
I actually made it to my scheduled walk with Partygirl last night. She and I were able to commiserate with one another about our kids and finances. Not that I have much to complain about with my kids, but there is one big issue, and the overall level of teen angst is too high chez fibermom.
Here's something about teenagers: you cannot expect them to be appreciative.
For one thing, we have kids for our own reasons. They do not apply to be our kids. When they are small, we never think about why we are caring for them and doing things for them, or what sacrifices we make for them. They need our care. It's a basic human relationship. We love them. We don't consider that they might be more trouble than they are worth. As they get older, we still love them, but it begins to feel as though we are doing things for another big person, and on some level we expect them to notice that and appreciate it. But they usually haven't noticed the change. We are their parents, and we always have taken care of them, so what's different? Except that now they would like us to continue taking care of them without interfering in their lives at all, because they feel like they are big people in completely different ways.
For another, they are thinking only of themselves. This is developmentally appropriate. Adolescents are hardly even aware that other people exist at all, except as potential audience members.
So #1 son has yet to do the things he is supposed to do for his scholarships. With our currently parlous financial situation, we really need him to take the five minutes involved, face the conceivably embarrassing moment of walking into an office to sign papers, and just get it done for heaven's sake. I compare that effort with my having to take a second job and not buy anything till he graduates, and it seems ludicrous that he is hesitating.
But of course #1 son is busy with freshman angst. He is having his new college student identity crisis, and doesn't want to bothered with paperwork while he is deciding whether he really wants to be in college, or considers changing his major, or suffers over having to live at home where people feed him and clothe him and nag him about his paperwork all the time, or worries about whether he will have friends and why he still feels like a high school student and whatever else freshmen suffer over the first few days.
#1 daughter is very sympathetic. She remembers being 18 and feeling as though every word your parents say is intolerable. She can laugh about it.
I think that if he would just go sign the blasted papers, I would happily leave him strictly alone till he is through with his teen angst.
After all, I have some angst of my own to pay attention to. I don't need his.
Partygirl is 32 days away from her daughter's wedding. She is counting down the days. There has been eye-rolling and suggestions that the parents are being stingy as they shell out more money for the wedding than they spent on their first house.
She thinks that maybe her daughter should be appreciative.
But I told her, it's not going to happen. Not for several more years.
Comments (7)
I suspect you will get your revenge for teen angst when they have kids...
I was appreciative sooner rather than later.
But I also went to school out of state and had other experiences that sped that along.
Wonderful news about the job, and no need for a New Job Hunt! Congratulations!
As for all of your offspring becoming grateful for -- even aware of -- what you do for them: I promise you that by the time they turn forty that will happen. Hang in there.
Wow! What a phenomenal insight and so, so true. I definitely remember going through the *bratty teenager* phase and feeling like that. Why all of a sudden do I have to stop thinking about me and start thinking about *you*? LOL! I got over it at some point during college.
Have you explained to your son what doing the scholarship stuff means for you? I know lots of times kids just don't get it
RYC: Thanks! I do like the blue streaks. It has to do with my travel plans because I quit my "respectable" teaching job to become a backpacker. I could never have blue hair while trying to work in a public school!
My husband keeps telling me the boys will appreciate us when they're in their 30's or so. Or maybe when they become parents. That feels like an awfully long way off, right now....
I often want to say to them, particularly the older 2, "You have no idea what a wonderful father you have!!" but of course they don't. He's the only one they've ever had, so what do they have to compare him to?
I hope your boy gets the proverbial kick in the hiney he needs and gets that paperwork signed!
it wasn't until after the birth of my first child that I began to look at my parents in a different light. by the time I had 2 I was amazed by my mom. by the time she was 28 she had 4 kids under the age of 8 and managed to keep her wits about her, she used to say I'm the most thankful when they are all safe and accounted for in their beds every night. good advice I think
I think times must have changed or perhaps this is another US/NZ difference. At 18 my siblings and I, and most of my friends had either left school, got a job, left home and were flatting, or had left school, got a job, and were still at home but paying board to their parents. At least that's the way it was with the girls I knew. Admittedly the boys and young men at work who still lived at home seemed horrified that I had to pay board so maybe there was a gender difference in both the way sons were treated by parents and the way sons perceived the domestic situation.
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