I always get lonely when my daughters leave, whether my eldest leaving with her husband or my younger girl leaving for school every semester. This is not reasonable, since a) I still have four people living in my house, b) I actually have friends other than my daughters, and c) I spend all my time surrounded by people and often wish for time to myself. And I talk with my girls a lot, though not in person.

But it's just not the same. My female friends are not girlfriends who drop in all the time to chat. They are, like me, grown women with busy lives and families. And the others living in my house, namely my beloved husband and sons, are guys. They do not go to the gym with me. They do not tell me in hilarious detail about their days. They do not join me in making crafts. They do not want to go to the LYS with me. (I guess I shouldn't blame this on their being guys. There are probably some fun guys out there who would enjoy those things -- I just don't happen to live with them.)

So when the girls leave, I go through some stages. First, I just feel kind of lonely and dissatisfied. Then it hits me that it is because my daughters are gone. Then I think that I should develop closer friendships with my women friends. But I am close to them -- it's not that. It is that I can't realistically get Fine Soprano out of bed on a Saturday morning to go to the market with me. I can't expect The Empress to come into my room in her nightie and tell me all about her evening (well, that would be a shock, wouldn't it?). The Poster Queen and the Party Girl are not going to drop by with ice cream to play Cranium. Let's face it: I do not live in a dorm.

I wouldn't actually want to live in a dorm, either. I just wish my daughters were a little closer.

I'm back to The Phantom Banjo after taking the weekend to read Upgrading. The Phantom Banjo brings two things irresistibly to mind. First, my mother's Ozark Trilogy books.http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1557285926/102-6198914-4514545?v=glance Second, C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters.

Yesterday in church our corporate prayer included thanks for "the solace of literature." I think that was a first.

I'm still decreasing for the toe of my sock. I've now fooled around with the lace so much -- decreasing in surprising spots in order not to disrupt the pattern -- that I am not sure I will be able to reconstruct it for the second sock.

At least I won't have to felt it before I can tell. But I foresee a certain amount of frogging to make sure the two socks match. Ideally, I would have made notes as I did it.

For all those who are starting classes today -- and especially you, Pokey -- have a terrific day! Be sure to eat a good breakfast, and tell us all about your classes!

I stayed away from the yarn sale, so I still have a one-skein "stash." I spent the day quilting, with a few breaks to knit, clean house, and mail packages to far-away daughters. Today I have a couple of things to sing at, and -- oddly enough -- I have to make my Christmas lists.

When I was a single girl, I used to hear older women saying "Are you ready for Christmas?" to each other in November and December. I never knew what they meant -- spiritually prepared for Christmas? in the mood?

Then I had a family and learned what the experts say about holiday preparations: the average American mom does so much work preparing for Christmas that it is the equivalent of her taking on a second full-time job for the month of December. This is why women are stressed out at the most wonderful time of the year. They are asking each other "Are you ready?" in sympathy.

Some try to solve the time and money crunch by getting ready really early. There are people who think about and work on Christmas all year. But I like to take the seasons in their proper order. I don't want to see Christmas decorations at Michaelmas and hear carols at Hallowe'en.

I found the solution a few years ago: the Holiday Grand Plan. http://organizedchristmas.com/hgpweek1.html  It has two parts. First, there is a room-a-week deep house cleaning, fall and spring. This week is Front Porch Week. Second, there are holiday assignments. They're weekly till 6 weeks before Christmas and then they shift to daily. This week is List Week. I know from experience that, if I will just do my assignments every day, I will magically be ready when Christmas comes, without stress.

In the spring, during Front Porch Week, we built this handsome bench and stenciled it and the side table, planted some pretty woodland plants behind the crape myrtle, and made a nice little private corner of the porch, screened from public view. I love it. So this week I just have to sweep and wash it all down.

I'll wash the windows today, if it isn't too hot. That should be a good contrast to standing and sitting most of the day, singing.

Then this evening I have the toe decreases to do on my sock, decisions about what gifts I will make for whom, and maybe a bit more quilting. Sounds like a pleasant and productive day.

http://smilingtiger.typepad.com/smiling_tiger/2004/08/im_a_ho.html#comments

Here is Smiling Tiger talking about different interpretations of the phrase "Yarn Ho." I am a member of the excellent blogring of that name, but I cannot claim to want to be known as a "ho" of any variety. I am a mom, after all. I have to have translations if I inadvertently see something on MTV as I pass through the room.

Smiling Tiger and readers say that some people understand it to be "Yarn, ho!" as in "Land, ho!" I like that. You can imagine yourself to be an intrepid explorer or swashbuckling pirate, whose sharp eyes sight the delectable fibers and sail right for them in your red-sailed ship -- rather than someone trolling on street corners for just one more skein.

My LYS http://handheldknitting.com/ is having a "huge sale" today, which I plan to skip. In the first place, of course, I have to come up with #2 daughter's tuition and both sons' lab fees, not to mention enough food to feed my insatiable boys, so I have no business buying yarn. In the second place, I have the yarn already for my DNA scarf, and am planning a Fair Isle sweater for my next project -- and the ladies at the LYS already told me they would call when the yarn for that arrived, which it has not done -- so I clearly do not NEED any yarn. I even have one skein that I have no current plans for, so there is some sense in which I actually have a stash. And there is that quilt, and a crochet bedspread, and a couple of sewing projects, and my socks, and the third clog, the yarn for which has also not arrived. And of course I have a job. And madrigals to learn.

But the main reason I am planning to resist the temptation to attend the sale is that yarn sales are never what you imagine they will be. I am thinking of half off on Desert Garden and Brilla, real steals on Lamb's Pride and silk blends, but in truth it will be 10% off  the basics and big cuts on the novelty yarn that I never wanted in the first place. Half off will be for the lone skeins of cotton. So I will leave it to the bargain hunters, the swashbucklers who have real stashes. I will resist the temptation. Do you believe me?

my stash

I have not worked on my quilt since Independence Day. It has been too hot. But I realized, in talking with my quilter friend La Tenora, that there is not much time before my daughter's anniversary -- and since it is an anniversary gift, I had better get back to it.

Here is the quilt in question, a "Garden Twist," albeit with no flowers. It was only a quilt top when this picture was taken.

And here is a detail of the quilting. The fabric includes a Neptune print, to symbolize my son-in-law's Navy service, a print of little elephants because that is #1 daughter's animal, a print with the words "love" and "peace" coming down from the clouds, and squares from her daddy's work shirts. It is quilted in Celtic knots, in recognition of the couple's shared interest in Celtic mythology.

I make one quilt each year. Here is 2003: a "Snoozing Snakes" quilt for #2 son.

And from 2002: a "Moon and Stars" for #2 daughter.

I will try to make good progress on the Garden Twist this weekend. Will I also finish the sock? Perhaps. This second pair of socks is taking much longer than the first -- perhaps because I keep stopping to do other projects...

Yesterday included the gym, book group, and choir practice. The others at the gym are mostly in their 20s. Book Group is senior ladies and me. Choir, now that we're doing Messiah, includes people from teens to 80s, and last night we had a preschool visitor as well. This is a much richer human environment than the one many of us create for ourselves. So often, for the sake of comfort, we choose to live in communities where we are all about the same age, join groups based on our age or station in life, and gravitate socially to people like ourselves.

We lose a lot by age-segregating ourselves. Young parents, without the support of more experienced people, don't have the parenting skills they need to produce well-behaved, happy children. Young knitters, learning their craft from books or DVDs, end up limited in their technique and afraid to press on to the next level of skill. Older people, without the loosening-up influence of the young, become curmudgeons. Young people, without the stabilizing influence of the middle-aged, get lost in angst. Single people, keeping themselves apart from families, have no respectable way to meet new people, and can end up choosing between feeling isolated or endangered. Teenagers become Lord of the Flies-style mobs. Not always, of course, but the danger is there.

Thank goodness for book groups, knitting groups, choirs, churches -- all the groupings that mix people of different ages and backgrounds who happen to share interests. Thank goodness, too, for families. Those of us who are blessed with happy extended families have a treasure.

In my own family, we are fortunate to have interests that have been handed down through generations. Here is an ancestor with his camera in Togo. My dad just won prizes at the county fair for his photographs. #1 daughter is studying ways to use computer technology with her photos.

My grandfather studied voice at the Sorbonne. My mother sang and played her guitar in coffee houses. I sing choral music for pleasure. #2 daughter, who has already sung (with her sister in a children's choir) at Carnegie Hall, is studying to be an opera singer.

I learned to knit from my maternal grandmother, to crochet from my mother, and to embroider from my paternal grandmother. My knitting needle collection includes both new and old needles. Some are so old that they are in the now-obsolete half sizes, or have the pre-plastic steel cables. Some are so new that they are practically trendy (yes, I now own some bamboo needles). The ones that belonged to my grandmother make me think of her whenever I knit with them, which is a very happy experience. The ones my younger self bought remind me of the days when I looked good in a knitted bikini. The new ones let me feel up-to-date, even if I'm really not.

Here's to continuity. To tradition. To the way our beloved grandparents -- and our unknown forbears --  live on in our skills and in the things they used daily and which we now use in the same way. Let us pass our own skills and tools on, too.

What, then, happens when the females outnumber the males? We have only to look at elementary education for the answer: rampant cuteness. Intelligent women doing important jobs begin to use terms like "boo-boo tape" and "piggy paper." Ordinary notions about writing transmogrify into "hot dog folds" and "hamburger folds," not to mention spaghetti and meatballs. Weather bears and counting fish take over. Nothing remains undecorated.

For the five or six years during which the females outnumbered the males in our household, there were definite signs of this creeping cuteness. The daughters called each other "Sissy." We decorated for ALL holidays, including the Feast of St. Martin.Clearly, we needed a masculine balance.

Now, #1 daughter lives in a balanced household -- herself and her husband -- but since they are in the Navy, there is a clear preponderance of males. She has to be very assertive in order to have the basics of feminine life, such as a color scheme and conversation. And #2 daughter lives on a girls' floor in the dorm, but it is a co-ed building with a preponderance of males. And I am badly outnumbered at home. I guess none of us has to worry about excessive cuteness.

I am continuing slowly on my sock, using three aluminum needles and one bamboo. The bamboo is a slightly different size from the aluminum ones (one of which went missing, which is why I had to bring in the bamboo). So far, I can't see why people rave about the bamboo. This may be because I am only using one. It doesn't click the way metal ones do, which could be a real plus in some situations, and it does feel very smooth, but it is also shorter than the metal ones, making it easier to drop stitches off the ends. I'll try another pair with just the bamboos, and see whether I can tell why the bamboo is worth three times the cost of the aluminum.

Does using one needle of a different size (albeit only half a size) have an effect on the knitting? No doubt. I am sure the stitches are less even than they would otherwise have been. However, I think the great Elizabeth Zimmerman is right when she says this doesn't matter much in a utilitarian item like a sock -- after a few washings, it will not be noticeable. And if it is, then anyone wresting my shoe off to check on the evenness of my stitches has other problems.

Back to School is certainly different with just boys in the house. Daughters tell their parents about the classes, the books, the teachers, their classmates, the hairstyles and fashions, what everyone did over the summer. Sons grunt a few words. In fact, with #2 daughter gone back to college in another state, life has returned to the uncivilized state inevitably created by excess males.

The balance between male and female is essential for civilization. If the males outnumber the females, a fraternity house atmosphere will immediately reign. Meals at the table are a thing of the past. Indeed, if they can, the males will always eat things from cardboard. Cardboard is the closest they can get, in this modern world, to the preferred male method of eating things directly off the bone. They will sleep on the couch, possibly in their clothes. Sports and action films will be on the TV at all times. And of course at our house we actually have a trebuchet and a couple of longbows (they made them from branches).

I must admit right here that #2 son would condemn this as sexist. He would object to the stereotyping going on here, and point out the inaccuracy and unfairness of my claim. Then he would climb onto the roof to retrieve his arrows, and possibly leap off onto some unsuspecting passing brother. Said brother would immediately pummel him, and they would call each other by affectionate terms I cannot repeat.

While The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Splintered Bones have very little else in common, both involve communication with spirits. Watchful spirits, who know extra things about the living. I don't believe that takes place, but I did think of it while trying to persuade #1 daughter and a newly off-to-college friend to make xangas for themselves. Blogs are a little like those magic gazing balls in movies like The Wizard of Oz, or perhaps Miss Mary Ann's Magic Mirror on Romper Room: they allow you to take a peep into someone else's life. You can be like a watchful spirit, looking at them when you want to know what's up and they haven't called for a while.

Blogs overcome the problems of the magic methods, because the blogger gets to pick what to put into the blog, so there is no question of intrusive peeping. And if the view is not to our liking, we don't have to keep looking. But #1 daughter's website gives me only a very stable view, with new pictures or personal tidbits only about every six months. She points out that this is why I have a knitting blog: I don't have many people in my daily life with whom to share knitting, so I like to check out the projects of people I know only virtually. I get to talk to my family in real life. And that is true. But I still like to peep into the lives of my family members who have blogs, and I have become fond of my virtual knitting community members, even though I don't know them any better than the hovering spirits.

I hand-overcast the boiled wool squares together, throwing out a few to make a Trip Around the World 5x5 square. If you have ever thought about doing this kind of project, let me tell you that it is probably the ultimate in coziness. So, for the parts that require you to hold the whole thing in your lap, you may prefer to wait until it cools off a little.

It is still hot here, though it is cooler than usual at this time of year -- the 80s rather than 100s. Not exactly Last-Rose-of-Summer time, but we do have the feeling that every peach cobbler might be the last. The tomato plants are confused, too, and a few of the trees up on the campus have turned. Nonetheless, I am glad to finish the throw and get back to socks.

#1 son and I visited the farmers market, here on the lovely downtown square of our town. We also went to the mall, the office supply store, a couple of thrift stores, Target, and the grocery -- can you tell we were finishing our back-to-school shopping? With the fresh vegetables and lots of peppers from the garden, I made and canned some Antipasto Vegetables, a sort of fiery pickle that will cheer us in the winter.

I am also continuing to wrestle with the felted throw, another project which should cheer us in the winter. Unlike most folks who have put their boiled-wool throws online, I did not find my local thrift stores chock-a-block with 100% wool sweaters. I found only one, and it was in such good condition, and looked so good on #1 son when he tried it on at home, that it escaped the fate of felting. So my felted throw continues to be too small for me to want to take up space with seams. I did experiment with the scraps some more and have found that I can overcast and then flatten the seam so that I don't lose anything to the seams or add unsightly bulk at the back, so that may be the way I'll go. I pieced together one more square from scraps to get up to 28, and the squares are all lying out on the floor. There they can be arranged into various patterns, which my sons have been helping me do. Then we can gaze at the design for a while before trying something else. Presumably, when we hit the ideal, the Philosopher's Arrangement, we will recognize it and I will put the squares together.

I cannot quite give up on the idea of using crochet. It would make it just that much larger, as well as allowing me to add another color. It is currently at the $98 size (if I wanted to buy one) but I think that if it were a little bit bigger, it would cover our knees more handily on cold winter evenings.

In the meantime, it is lying on the floor, as I said. The dogs are irresistibly drawn to it. They have been told off repeatedly, but when no one is watching, they sneak over and roll around on the squares. I understand their desire to do this. The squares are soft and thick and smell faintly of lavender. Who wouldn't want to roll around on them? So they are also developing a light coat of dog hair. I am thinking that I will pull out my copy of 5,500 Quilt Block Designs in hopes of finding the ideal pattern before they are covered with a thick coat of dog hair.